Jealousy, the green eyed monster
“I feel jealous”
This is something a Relationship Therapist will hear quite frequently.
Being with a partner who is jealous of the time their partner is spending with other people or other activities can put a strain on a relationship. These problematic feelings can start to affect behaviour.
If you find yourself:
- Checking your partner’s phone and e.mail communication
- Phoning or following them to check they are where they say they are
- Making accusations where there is no evidence
- Accusing your partner of lying to you
This probably means that your feelings of jealousy have become out of control and it would be very helpful for you to talk things through with a therapist
What we would need to do is to explore the meaning of the jealousy. There will be deeper vulnerabilities that need to be understood.
However, feelings of jealousy and resentment can be natural reactions to how your partner is behaving. Is your partner refusing to let you know where they are going? Is your partner developing a close relationship with a work colleague? It can be difficult to talk about these issues without getting into an argument. However, you can learn learn to communicate honestly and openly
It would be hard for you to relax and enjoy your time with your partner if you felt threatened every time they might look or smile at somebody other than you. This relates jealousy to feelings of worry, insecurity and anxiety. Really you are worrying that your partner might not find you good enough and deep down you might be anxious that they will leave you for somebody else.
Some people can develop feelings of jealousy over their partner’s work or even a family pet. “He gives more love and affection to that dog than he ever does to me!” If there is a group , a project or an activity that takes a lot of energy, commitment and attention from one person in a couple, then the other person might feel neglected and abandoned.
No-one wants to feel jealous and we all want to feel that we are trusted by our partner. Relationship therapy is a safe place for a couple to develop open and honest communication.