Sex is often an important part in a couple’s relationship and it can be very helpful for each person in a relationship to talk about their feelings regarding sex.
Initially, talking about sex can feel daunting, but once people open up, it can feel very liberating.
We are all conditioned in particular ways, and we can grow up believing certain things, about ourselves and others, that are unhelpful.
Understandably, many people find it easier to avoid talking about sex because they do not want to upset their partner.
There can be a risk in a partner feeling that they are not doing something right or feeling that they are not 'good enough'.
Frequently, there can be shameful feelings associated with sex. However, a lack of communication about sex can lead to a couple avoiding sex altogether.
Sex has become a word loaded with expectation and association. Sex in films, box sets and porn, invariably happens spontaneously. Penetration occurs with little or no foreplay. However, in real life, what with young children, work, elderly dependents, social media and particular health conditions, a good sexual experience can require some specific time and attention!
There is no right amount of sex that any couple should feel they ought to be having.
Because each couple is unique, it stands to reason that each couple's sex-life will be unique. It can be whatever they both 'agree' (either verbally or non-verbally) it to be,
It is natural for couples to have phases when they are having more sex, and phases when there is little or no sex.
However, when sex is not happening, intimacy and affection do not need to absent themselves as well!
When sex is consensual and enjoyed, it is intensely pleasurable, bonding, and highly beneficial to the individual and the couple, in many different ways.
Below is a list of sexual issues, commonly discussed in therapy.
- Sexual abuse
- Performance anxiety
- Infidelity and types of betrayal
- Who initiates sex
- Sexual identity
- Porn use
- Emotional connection
- Sexual frequency
- Sex in long-term relationships
- Premature ejaculation
- Inability to orgasm
- Sex without intercourse
- Changing circumstances
- Sexual preferences
- Sexual pressurizing
There are some excellent books on sex, and I can recommend these:
- Come as You Are: the new science that will transform your sex life, by Emily Nagoski, 2015
- The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy, 2012
- Fanny and Stella: The Young Men Who Shocked Victorian England by Neil McKenna, 2014
- Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex, by Joan Price, 2011
- The Trouble with Normal: Sex, Politics and the Ethics of Queer Life, by Michael Warner 2000